jueves, 15 de octubre de 2009

Viviendo deprisa

Apagué la radio violentamente. No había sido un buen día, y escuchar el informativo nocturno de la emisora que me consumía una media de 10 horas de energía diarias no parecía ser la mejor manera de comenzar una buena noche. Desvié la vista de la carretera mientras buscaba alguno de esos Cd’s que solía escuchar antes de que la rutina informativa diaria absorbiera mi vida. Lo encontré. Y subí el volumen. Alto, muy alto. Como si el sonido atronador fuera la única cosa capaz de acallar mis machacantes pensamientos. Las 12 de la noche. Me encontraba a una hora de camino del lugar en el que había quedado a cenar dos horas antes. Nada importante. Sólo una cena con amigos; pero ellos ya estaban acostumbrados a que llegara a los postres. O incluso a que no llegara. Hubo unos años en los que mis amigos preguntaban sorprendidos cómo era posible que nunca pudiera decir, al menos de forma aproximada, a qué hora iba a salir de trabajar. Yo intentaba explicarles que el día en el que creía que todo podía estar listo a la hora prevista, coincidía siempre con algún hecho noticioso de última hora que se encargaba de mandar mis planes al garete. Aunque ahora hacía ya algún tiempo que habían dejado de preocuparse por mis horas de llegada. Ellos hacían sus planes y, si de vez en cuando yo podía unirme a alguno de ellos, lo aceptaban sin demasiado entusiasmo. No les culpo. Todas las relaciones de amistad se resienten cuando espacias los planes casi tanto como las visitas al médico.


Los pensamientos se agolpaban en mi mente mientras me esforzaba por prestarle algo de atención a la carretera. Odio conducir de noche. Los faros de los coches emiten incómodos rayitos de luz que me deslumbran y las largas líneas blancas del asfalto se unen en la lejanía complicando la tarea de discernir a qué carril pertenece cada una.

Mis amigos no eran los únicos damnificados a los que mi profesión había hecho pasar a un segundo plano. Un escalofrío me recorrió la espalda cuando volví a pensar en él y en lo lejos que se encontraba de mí. Todas las noches dormíamos algunas horas en la misma cama. No muchas. Tan sólo las que transcurrían entre mi tardía llegada a casa y su gran madrugón. Tardé bastante tiempo en descubrir las diferencias entre dormir al lado y dormir juntos, y cuando lo hice él ya se había alejado demasiado. La rabia contenida me hizo pisar el acelerador un poco más. De repente, el destino se abalanzó sobre mí. Las luces de un coche venían de frente, demasiado de frente para ir por el carril de al lado. Pisé el freno con todas mis fuerzas. El chirrido de los neumáticos se clavó en mis oídos. El instinto me hizo dar un volantazo a la derecha. El coche chocó contra algo y después comenzó a girar sobre sí mismo. Después, todo se volvió negro y se hizo el silencio.

Desperté en la cama, aturdida. Desvié la vista hacia la derecha, el lado en el que él siempre dormía. Quería verlo allí, respirando profunda y acompasadamente. Tan cerca y tan lejos al mismo tiempo. Pero no estaba. Entorné los ojos un poco más. Intentando discernir mi habitación en la penumbra, queriendo encontrar alguna prueba que me confirmara que tan sólo había tenido una pesadilla. Sólo eso.

Mi esfuerzo se desvaneció cuando se abrió la puerta y un halo de luz inundó la estancia. Pero el que entro no era él. Y aquella no era mi habitación. Un hombre con cara de médico y bata muy limpia me hablaba. Pero yo no podía escucharlo. La sangre golpeaba fuerte en mis sienes y el corazón quería salirse del pecho, como si mi subconsciente hubiera comprendido ya lo que había sucedido.
-“Inés, has tenido suerte –oí como decía a lo lejos aquel hombre de voz condescendiente- a ti el cinturón te salvó la vida”.
-“¿A mí? ¿Cómo que a mí? ¿Y a quién si no? Iba sola en el coche… –dije mientras me esforzaba por recordar con una voz ronca que pareció salir de lo más profundo de mis entrañas.
-“Sí. Los dos ibais solos. Pero el chico del otro coche murió en el acto”.

Esbocé una sonrisa cínica. No entendía cómo era posible. Me había llevado una vida por delante y acababa de escuchar que había tenido suerte. Me invadió la angustia, la impotencia y el deseo imposible de poder retroceder en el tiempo. Fue entonces cuando comprendí dónde comenzó todo: aquel día en el que me subí en ese frenético tren de vida en el que viajaba a toda velocidad y del que me apeé en marcha justo antes de llegar a la última parada. Todo ocurrió muy deprisa, aunque ahora, desde esta silla de ruedas, mi vida transcurre de forma más lenta.

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